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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in nat's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, April 18th, 2009
3:39 pm
Started another eljay. Needed to break away from my past and have a cleansing.

You should have already been added, but in case:


Saturday, February 14th, 2009
2:59 pm
I have not updated in quite a long time. Things have been very busy for me. A good busy though!

Last week, I wore myself down pretty badly. I went to Whistler with friends from The Centre to coordinate a games night at Whistler Pride. Things were not quite as expected, but the mountains were so beautiful. It helped me in my developing reconnection with nature. I took many pictures with my new camera. That weekend, I had a lovely date with Justin. We saw Inkheart and walked along the seawall. I went to a fundraiser at Rhizome for WISH and listened to some amazing writers. And I went for a three-hour bike ride, which I am aching to do again this weekend if I can find the time.

Work has been quite busy with planning for Queer Awareness Week, which is happening in a month! We have many events in the planning stages and it comforts me that we are at the same place in development as last year, so I am not a ball of stress. I am also planning a series of training workshops. Monday and Tuesday are going to be SFU's reading break, so I am going to spend my time catching up on organization, paperwork, and learning more about Out on Campus.

Last night, Justin and I celebrated Valentine's Day early. We spent the afternoon at Science World, had dinner at Bo Kong, and hung out at his house afterwards. Science World was such fun! We played together in the activities area and posed for pictures in a giant Lego car. There is nothing like kissing in the shadow box.
Monday, February 9th, 2009
6:43 pm
Sunday, February 1st, 2009
10:04 pm
I had a lovely lovely weekend! Justin and I had a date on Thursday night and ventured along the seawall talking and cuddling. Friday afternoon was spent having lunch with Ash, Shan, and Tara and then watching dvds with Monica. Saturday involved coffee with Shannon and then playing balderdash with the gang from The Centre. Today, April and I had lunch and lost at bingo.

And I am making progress in a knitting project that I have restarted many times so far.

Happy February everyone!
Sunday, January 25th, 2009
8:06 pm
I had a lovely weekend. I spent Friday shopping with Anisa and going to see a shitty movie by myself. Saturday was spent at a fundraiser at the Secret Location doing a spoken word performance about gender. Sunday was spent with Kathleen and her mum at a protest in the DTES.

All of that mixed in with watching Roswell, reading Margaret Atwood, and cleaning my room.

Work was great as well last week! We had our hot chocolate social which was well-attended and started planning for Queer Awareness Week in March. I love this job!
Tuesday, January 20th, 2009
10:36 pm
I took my first quiz in the development course and passed it! We needed an 80 to pass and I managed to do it on my second attempt (we get three tries and I missed the first pass by one question). I had not studied yet, but I realized that the anxiety of taking the quiz was making me avoid re-reading the chapters. So I decided to give it a try (and a second try), and now it is behind me!

And Mel just asked me to be in her bridal party when she gets married in September. SO EXCITING!
Sunday, January 18th, 2009
10:51 pm
April and I played bingo tonight. I almost won a game -- actually I thought that I had won but then I realized that I had not dabbed one of the numbers. I'm so glad that I did not call out bingo because then the patrons would have started screaming "false alarm" in my direction and I would feel as if I was wearing a scarlet letter.

I love Planet Bingo!
12:02 am
I took a trip out to my home town of Coquitlam today with Lydia, Micajieu, Angelina, Jamie, Sean, Anisa, and Janice to see Margaret Cho perform!

She was amazing as always, but lacked some of the inspiring moments that I've come to expect from her. Still, she blew me away and she even sang songs that she had written!

Saturday, January 10th, 2009
5:42 pm
This has been an interesting week for me.

I started my new job at Out on Campus at Simon Fraser University. The week was filled with training -- lots of training. And I love it there! The students are so sweet and driven. The space is warm and welcoming. I was able to walk into the space as my gender without any need for explanation. I have a small yet adorable office that I am going to decorate with kitten pictures. Next week, we are making a three-day appearance at Club Days doing tabling and making buttons. As well, we are having a "Welcome Nat" potluck on Monday night. So exciting!

I started my second course at University of Victoria for the Child and Youth Care program. It is the only first-year course that I need to complete as we need eight months of developmental studies and I had only four months at Douglas. The course is:

CYC 166B: Lifespan Development (Adolescence to Late Adulthood)

The objectives of this course are to introduce students to concepts and models of how human behaviour is acquired, maintained, and modified. The course focuses on human development from adolescence to late adulthood as a knowledge base for practice with children, youth, and families.

This semester, our studies are beginning right away -- last semester, we were able to start a week late. This meant that I had to wait until Thursday to get my textbooks and now have quite a bit of reading to get through. And I have to write a short entry for my classmates about my adolescence. It needs to be around puberty or pressures, so I am going to talk about growing up female in a developing male body.

Today, Justin and I are celebrating five months of being together. This is my third-longest relationship and the only one of the three that was not plagued by abuse or addiction. We celebrated with dinner and a movie last night and then breakfast this morning.

We have made some adjustments to our relationship recently and that has been putting some pressure on me. On top of the limited time that we have to spend together because of our conflicting work schedules, Justin is needing more independence and space. This has changed our ability to spend three nights together to having a date once a week, possibly twice. It is tough for me because I have grown used to being close to him, but I understand that this need for space is temporary and important for him right now. I want him to be happy and am going to try my best to be understanding of his needs while figuring out my own needs and seeing that they are being met.
Monday, January 5th, 2009
9:00 pm
I have been meaning to write over the past week, but instead I've spent my days and nights sick in bed reading.

I was supposed to start my new job at SFU today, but the campus had a snow day. Hopefully I will get to work tomorrow. I'm really excited about starting this new job, but very nervous as well. Really nervous about my first venture up the mountain via transit.

It has been really sweet having Justin back in town. Unfortunately, our new schedules clash quite badly, so our time together is going to be less than in the past. That will only encourage us to make that time more special. I am staying the night at his place tonight, even though he will return home long after I have fallen asleep. It will be nice to cuddle up with his warm body.

Our New Year's Eve was spent together in my bedroom. I didn't want to be around many people as it was a celebration of my first five years away from drugs. I never realized how much of an effect drugs were having on my life, not until I looked back on all of my achievements since I last used. So NYE was special for Justin and I. We drank Shirley Temples and had a wonderful time together. The next afternoon, we wandered around the city and then made dinner for the house.

One of our hopes for this year is to get a place together. I am excited at the thought since the other two times that I have lived with a boyfriend were not choices, but something that was necessary -- part of a power dynamic from one boyfriend and the result of a roommate spending their rent for three months on drugs. This will be the first time that I am able to make a decision about living with someone. Justin is definitely someone that I want to make that step forward with in the future.
Sunday, December 28th, 2008
9:44 pm
Our reunion was so sweet. Kisses and nuzzling. Cuddling and sleeping. Vegan pancakes in the morning. Saying goodbye at the airport was the hardest part of his being gone. That first kiss upon his return was worth more than a thousand words.

I am so in love.
Saturday, December 27th, 2008
12:07 pm
I survived the holidays! I guess skipping out on the last four extended family xmas dinners has paid off, since I have changed quite a bit over the last five years. I was met for the first time with respect and interest. It was pretty shocking but nicely received.

During brunch with my brother's in-laws, I was subjected to a conversation about how Granville Street has gone downhill with t-shirt shops and tattoo studios. Maybe these complaints would have been valid twenty years ago, especially since Granville is now becoming the new Robson Street. And there is not anything wrong with t-shirts or tattoos. It is blatant classism, just like it is racist to refer to Asian people as "Orientals" or complain one minute about how the government is giving money to companies run by overpaid C.E.O.s and then talking about your condos when there are people who are starving while you are eating your xmas brunch -- but these were not my relatives, so I allowed my mum to interject instead.

Justin is on a plane back home today. I will be seeing him in a few hours and stealing some snuggle time in the back of the centre before he starts work. I have tomorrow off, which means that we will be able to sleep in together and have breakfast. I am so excited to see him!
Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008
5:19 pm
I am heading to my mum's for the holidays tomorrow. Going to make that big trek out to Coquitlam. I am staying at Justin's tonight so I can feed his kittens, so there will be limited internet access for the next few days. I am missing Justin and haven't talked with him too much. He will be home on Saturday and I have taken Sunday off from work so that we can sleep in together. His bed is pretty lonely without him in it with me.

I have been working non-stop at the crisis centre. I am feeling a touch burnt out and am looking forward to having a hot bath tonight. But first, April and I are going to have sushi dinner and watch Ghostbusters 2. Very festive of us!
Sunday, December 21st, 2008
12:39 pm
I worked my final shift at Gab on Friday. My coordinator had planned to throw me an appreciation party, but he never showed up and I ended up throwing the party for myself with the help of Lydia. Appreciation? It was a great night though. The youth were all happy and dancing around. I am excited to return as a volunteer and for the possibility of balancing both jobs when funding returns in the winter or spring.

I burned myself out a bit on Friday/Saturday as I worked three shifts with little sleep. I spent $60 at the one-day-only Lush sale where Lisa was decked out in a beautiful snow princess dress. The rest of my evening was spent making chili and reading articles on feminism. Tonight is the volunteer appreciation party for The Centre, at which I am volunteering.

I find that I am not missing Justin as dramatically as I felt that I would. I totally do miss him, but it isn't as heart-breaking as a three-chord requiem. I am not filling my nights listening to Bright Eyes and Castle Project or crying... but there are still six more nights to fill ;)
Thursday, December 18th, 2008
6:20 pm

I am the new coordinator for Out on Campus for Simon Fraser University!!!
2:03 pm
Things have been going really well lately! I got 100% in my Disability and Child and Youth Care Practice course at University of Victoria and was interviewed today for the Out on Campus coordinator position at Simon Fraser University. I find out about the job tomorrow, but will be understanding if I do not get it as I was just happy to be shortlisted after my third time applying!

I dropped Justin off at the airport after spending two lovely nights and days together. We celebrated Xmas early with tons of holiday movies, food, and love. He gave me a promise necklace with five moonstones for our four month and many cute presents for xmas, including a monkey toque. I make a holiday feast for us on Monday night and we had a lovely time that was calm and happy. Saying goodbye at the airport was quite emotional for me, but I have been doing well since and am not sad as I expected. It was strange sleeping alone in his bed last night, but I had his kittens curled up with me. I am alternating between the two houses so that all of the kitties can embrace my attention.

Tomorrow is my final shift at Gab. I have picked up fourteen day shifts at Directions over the holidays before school begins again on January 6th. I am going to be a workaholic.
1:16 pm

We are a communal house in Strathcona. We are 4 people and one cat named Konstantine. We aren't accepting any more animals due to allergies. We are queer/trans positive. We have irregularly scheduled house meetings where all decisions are made by consensus. We buy all of our food together, and each take one night a week for cooking. Our dinners are vegan but groceries are vegetarian. We buy both organic and conventional food. There is a house fund at $10 per month for buying us awesome things, or paying for unexpectedly large bills. We have a chore wheel, one biweekly (once every two weeks) and one monthly. We're a pretty calm house most of the time. We have wireless internet. We aren't very accessible because the house has a lot of stairs just to get to the front door. The room is medium-sized and cute with a big east facing window and gets ample light. There are painted hard wood floors and a decent-sized closet.

We are looking for someone who has interest in a communal house. Some shared activities that some of us have been working on lately include: working in the garden, making suarkraut and kombucha/kocha-kinoko, baking pies and cupcakes, hula hooping, talks and walks, all those little extra things that make a house a home. We're looking for someone with clear communication skills as we've found this to be essential in maintaining a functional shared living space. We're looking for someone who is able to express their own concerns in a thoughtful way, and able to own up to the mistakes they might make. Experience in communal living would be great, but live and learn right?

Rent: $300
Food and other house
purchases: around $135-$200
Gas: $20
Hydro: $10
Long Distance: $2-7
House Fund: $10

With $300 rent it adds up to
$498.29-568.29 per month for everything. (Costs do fluctuate from month to month)

email: xxlessthanthreexx@gmail.com and/or rubyred@resist.ca
Monday, December 8th, 2008
8:58 pm
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
Started university (at UVic which I've wanted to attend since I was 10!) Finally dealt with my PTSD. Accessed the Trans Health Program.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Nope. I started smoking again. But I'm back to being vegan and I'd like to keep it that way.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Two of my cousins and one cousin-in-law.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit?

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
To share a home with my love.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
February and August - Lili's visits
April 1st - my first day at Gab
May 31st - ending of a friendship
August 8th - Tara and James' wedding
August 10th - the day that Justin and i first got together
September 9th - love love love
December 11th - hasn't happened yet, but it will!

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Falling in love. Getting into university. Getting the job that I wanted (Gab). Quitting the job that I hated without a back-up plan (overnights at the Safe House). Accessing services about gender and PTSD. Ending four-and-a-half years of celibacy and two years without a kiss. Being public about my gender.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Letting my PTSD interfere so much with my relationship.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just many nights filled with back pain.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Justin's four-month present.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
Justin for being amazing and supportive through my PTSD.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and/or depressed?
Canadian voters.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Food, tuition, books, and love.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Justin! The idea of him. The crush. The cuddles. The first kiss. Everything!

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Iron and Wine's cover of "Such Great Heights".

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? around the same
c) richer or poorer? richer, but only because I'm paying less rent

18. What do you wish you'd done more of?

19. What do you wish you'd done less of?

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
Justin and I are celebrating early with vegan chinese food, tofurky dinner, holiday movies, and a walk along the sea wall. Actual xmas eve will be spent with the immediate family in Coquitlam. Actual xmas day will be spent over brunch with my Dad and then extended relatives with my mum in Surrey.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?

22. How many one-night stands?

23. What was your favourite TV program?

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

25. What was the best book you read?
I spent most of the year re-reading Harry Potter, so I'm going to say Narnia.

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
The National and Deerhunter.

27. What did you want and get?
Love, although from a surprise source.

28. What did you want and not get?
An answer to my funding extension.

29. What was your favourite film of this year?
The Dark Knight.

30. What did you do on your birthday?
Played bingo. Ate a rice bowl and chi-cake. Contemplated a lost friendship.

31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Not to have overreacted so much.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

33. What kept you sane?

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Hello Kitty.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
Too many to name!

36. Who did you miss?

37. Who was the best new person you met?

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
Love can be without intentional pain.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned"
Monday, December 1st, 2008
6:26 pm
I am sitting alone at Spartacus Books singing to music and flipping through the latest issue of Bust. I officially completed my course this afternoon. My paper and assignments have been handed in and I participated in our online discussions. This is the last day of my vacation, but it does not feel like a vacation at all.

Things that I have piled up for the next month:

- Finish crocheting Justin's present
- Knitting
- Catch up on issues of Bust
- Catch up on issues of Nylon
- Catch up on issues of Bitch
- Read Twilight
- Decorate my bedroom
- Organize my junk boxes

I managed to squeeze in some nice socializing during my vacation. On Friday, I went to a stitch n bitch at Lisa's new house and, on Saturday, I saw The Laramie Project with Anisa. Yesterday, I got to hang out with April. We hit up a craft fair and I shopped for my family members. Afterwards, we grabbed some lunch and comics and then I passed out for a long well-deserved nap. And there has been many snuggle dates with Justin.
Thursday, November 27th, 2008
1:08 pm
I have completed 1/4 of my final paper so far. I wrote an overview about ADHD and then looked at it using the biomedical model. Today, I need to look at it from the social model and write a critique comparing both models. As well, I want to get a start on putting my personal philosophy into the paper.

t minus 3 days until this is due.
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